.. why do I feel so seperated from my body? This is more like a d**g trip than a dream. He had no idea how close I was to the truth. Jason would never have admitted it to anyone, even Mandy, his first love, but he had always had transexual fantasies. The reason was not so much that he enjoyed women's clothes, but rather that he wanted to BE a woman, at least temporarily, to feel what a woman feels. He had always suspected that their bodies felt much more sensual to their owners, and he was certain they enjoyed sex more than most men. He didn't want to just get into women's pants, he wanted their bodies. Now that he had one, he didn't quite know what to do with it. "Ahem," said a voice. Jason nearly jumped out of his skin! He turned to see Mr. Dodds standing in a shaded corner of the room, and grinning. "Well, Flora, how are we feeling today? No, that's alright, I know you can't answer." Jason thought, is that it- I've really become Flora? Then I AM dreaming... aren't. .. More like another world I lived in, outof this real world, but at the same time, it is also of this world. Inthat "other world", I got hurt a lot, but also became loved. In thisworld here, I have no one to truly relate to or be loved by. I'm toodifferent. Not different in the "special" sort of way, but just thatwhat I liked and what I did didn't match what people expected of me. Mythoughts didn't match the rest of the world's ideas about how everythingshould be. I even questioned myself. In many ways, I just didn't knowwhat to think or do, both for myself and to others around me. I guessthat's the reason why I'm so indifferent, because I don't know what todo with my life or the life of others.I reached my second class, which was English. I was indifferent aboutthat subject too. I simply did my homework and class work and that wasit. No groaning on how boring it was or internal dialogue saying howgreat of a writer I could be. I simply did it, maybe got a C+ or a B-and that was it. I.
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